What’s Better?  Celebrating Starts or Finishes? Words and How We Say Them Make a Difference!

Sorry, I’m a wordsmith who just can’t help constantly criticizing and critiquing communications.  I even write blogs and books about it, one titled “Spin Man.”

Even at the condo where I live in Florida, occasionally I’ll politely criticize usage of certain words I feel are in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Here’s what I said about a headline announcing an upcoming dance party set weeks before Pope Francis died but ironically now would happen the day before the late pontiff’s funeral.                                                                                                   

Season Ending

Dance Party

“Angelo, I love your parties,” I told my talented friend, a fellow resident at our oceanfront condo who runs jovial, upbeat social events with high energy and skill. But I tactfully suggested changing the title of this one. 

“Instead of Season Ending, how about Season Climax! or Season Finale,” I suggested.   Again, this was weeks before the pope’s passing, so my point was just that it’s more fun to celebrate beginnings than endings or sobering conclusions. 

What an exhilarating difference it is to reach new heights, pinnacles, climaxes. The latter btw sounds a lot sexier and more exciting while endings are funerial, terminal and sad.  Especially lately in Rome.

So, I suggest Angelo put a brighter edge on endings and let’s celebrate just beginnings or the start of things like summer, just leaving out the hurricane part. 

He writes back:

“Thanks for your feedback, Tom. We will definitely put a more positive spin on the invite moving forward.” 

It was clever, prescient or perhaps just fortuitous of him to use that word “spin” as I was once dubbed “the quintessential Spin Man” by the platform natfluence®, dedicated to enabling business leaders, entrepreneurs and innovators to empower like-minded movers and shakers.

Spin Man was the title of what natfluence called my “engaging memoir” recounting my rise from a harrowing career as a newspaper reporter for The Philadelphia Inquirer “to the pinnacle of the PR world” in Manhattan. 

My meteoric takeoff began when I became the head of PR planning at American Broadcasting Companies in New York City where I promoted the many hit shows and TV series brought to life by my bubbling buddy, the TV programming whiz Fred Silverman. 

When Fred became President of NBC, I was the only one he brought along with him, knighting me as his vice president, special assistant.  Eventually this culminated in my launching an award-winning PR firm TransMedia Group, to this day serving clients worldwide under the direction of my enterprising daughter Adrienne Mazzone, now its president.

What a Difference a Way Makes.

Even critical words won’t sting half as much if they’re holding 24 pretty flowers. 

Yes, there are countless ways to criticize someone, but it depends on what words you choose, how successful you’ll be.  Also, how and when you say them can make a huge difference in both the impact and outcome.

A crucially important way to get right out of the gate is the tee shot, timing. 

The wrong timing can make a mega difference.  Avoid or suspend criticizing someone when they’re not feeling well or they’re concentrating on something acutely important to them, especially work-related stuff that’s time sensitive, income relative. 

Another is facial expression. What a difference that can make!  Huuuuge!  So, don’t be a Scrooge, a miserly, penny-pincher with feelings.  Chip in a smile!

There’s nothing quite like a smile to lighten and lubricate whatever it is you’re about to dump on someone or rub into their focus.  Coming nicely wrapped in a smile, it won’t sound nearly as bad, caustic or harsh.  Even serious stuff, you can glide in, not crash land on their head.

You can soften even sickening negatives with healthful, even ebullient positives.

Try laying criticisms down softly on a blanket of praise, a cushion of courtesy, maybe even giving the subject an extra pillow or two for them to rest their ego upon.

You could say, for example, I know you always care about making others feel good and you want them to do their best, which is an admirable quality you have.  Sometimes however, if they’re way off kilter, you need to point it out, steer them clear, but wave the stem of a flower instead of a stick.  And you can do it tactfully, not parasitically like a tick.  Be their friend with their best interest at heart. 

Look at criticism as supportive, enlightening, exemplifying. Even edifying. 

You could say I want you to be even better than you are by doing this or that, which will also have a more lasting, indelible, uplifting effect. 

These are just some of the ways that might help you to . . . make a difference!

Tom Madden is ever seeking to make a difference with his blogs and books, including his latest, Planetary Lifeguard, Blowing the Whistle on Climate Change, while helping clients of his PR firm, TransMedia Group, make a difference too in their respective fields, from law to lollipops.